Friday, August 27, 2010

Mr. Magazine


we've met way back '04 online we never had the chance to meet up. but occasionaly emails and just 'kumusta bro' and thats it. Until after many years we met at the gym and it all started there. He is 8 years older than me, and I dont think I have a problem with that. We started saying hi and hello's at the gym and that just it, we eventually became friends then one time I went up to him for shoulder to cry on. He was so nice and sincere and I really appreciate his gesture. Mabait syang tao at damang dama ko ang tunay na kaibigan sa kanya...


Naging malalim ang aming bonding, naging magaan ang friendship namin. I finally had friend! Di kasi ako madali magtiwala and make a new found friend a trusted friend...sabi nga nila a true friend is indeed hard to find. I thank the Almighty for bringing him to my life.


He was the person that I run to when I found out that my boyfriend of 12 years was cheating on me. He was there to listen and really support my decision and like any other friends would really just be there and make sure that I am ok. After I broke up with my ex, Mr. magazine and I kept our friendship and was really just smooth. Until after many months right before my birthday, he open up his feeling for me. I would be stupid to say na di ko inaasahan yun, alam ko na darating yung pag kakataon na yun, but when I heard that I really dont feel ready for it. But I was so week and longing that time that I went with the flow although not right away but i kinda give a hint to it.


Di ko naman tinignan yun na mali kasi at that moment wala akong nakikita di tama, at alam ko wala naman akong inaapakan na tao...single at malaya ako. Then we started dating, we go out like couples na although nothing is official yet, I always remind him na to take things slowly and he is good with that naman (ang bait nya talaga). I always admire him for his works and how great he is on his all works. Napagaling at talino nya.


I never felt special in my past relationship, sa twelve years namin pagsasama ni minsan wala ako naranasan na I was special (...infact I'm trying to think of things now, wala ako maalala.) I see dozen of flowers on my office at nakakatuwa. Although di talaga ako sanay with recieving of flowers but I'm just enjoying the moment, since di ko naman narasana ito dati. Everyday was special to me. Feeling ko lagi ako lumulutang sa panginip...I'm not kidding thats how i trully feel.


Then things got cloudy when we had our first love making...I realized I was still not ready, kasi napapansin ko I dont get that real hard on, infact I was forcing my mind to let go and do it...but sadly it was just hard for me... thoughts running in my head like could it be that Im not sexually attracted to him?...then eventually he started noticing it during the foreplay, I tried to snob the issue and told him I was tired. But sabi nga nila action speaks louder than words. Dalawang beses ito nangyari at di ko alam kung bakit ganun. If I recall it right, the sex that I had with Mr. Stars was great, hot infact...I think there's something wrong with my attraction to him sexually....is that fair, to have a good relationship with a good guy but not good in bed?


Things got shallow afterwards when he demanded that I wont use condom, and i really cant and wont do that. He claims na doon daw nagsisimula ang cheating when one uses condom, this is daw a way na pwede makipag sex sa iba. I was not expecting that from a good professional and mature guy at all...I told him that its protection for both of us not becuase its a way to cheat...i got off the bed took a shower then left.


It would have been a nice relationship but it seems that both of us are still swimming on our own personal issues...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Mr. Banker


We’ve been friends since ’04 but we never had the chance to set up a good cute meet, maybe it’s because I didn’t have the time to set it up since I was still with my ex back then. Every time I lost phone or changed number Mr. Banker would always try to message my Friendster account (di pa uso ang Facebook noon). Until after 6 years we were able to set up a date and meet up. It was good date, long chat and long walks around the circle of Ortigas we somehow have in thing common we love to walk.
The midnight meets ups at Mcdonalds Ortigas center has been our routine, occasionally we watch movie at Promenade, the friendship we had was so fun until he started to express his feelings towards me and wanted to make a relationship with me. I was skeptical at first knowing that I was dealing with my break up with my ex however I went with the flow I told him that I was not ready but we can be exclusive dating he agreed.
He was the first guy who slept over in my new condo; in fact he was helping me moving in transferring my stuff, so I decided to ask him if he wanted to stay for the night. We had sex I think so…kasi it was just a blow job and that’s it. There was kissing but he wasn’t that a good kisser it’s like I am kissing a toddler. I was faking my ooohs and aaahhs I just want to get over it. At that time I have a feeling that the relationship would have an issue. Sex to me would be one of the major factors of a good relationship.
Things were ok until he started demanding and questioning if I go out with my friends. I rarely go out and ever since I was with my ex I never had the chance to spend time with my friends so I realized na ito ang tamang oras pag bigyan ko mga kaibigan ko to spend time with them drinking. I don’t go out with them if they wanted to go to where all PLUs are hanging out, it’s not that I don’t go to these places but I prefer not to anymore siguro kasi I don’t really enjoy that much mas gugustuhin ko pa chatting with friends over beer than screaming your friends name dahil sa di kayo nag kakarinigan… So anyway he started questioning me some stuff and wondering if I am really out with my friends.
Honestly nakakainis yung ganon, the fact that I came from a very bad break up and the reason was because of dishonesty, it was too much for me to bear with his texts and calling, it’s was so heavy in fact. Trust can’t be earned by that ways…I found myself not replying to any of his texts or calls. I just don’t know how to end it. But I have to .

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Mr. Shell


I met up with this guy when I needed someone to assist me during my operation, fix some important papers and settle some accounts in the hospital. He was so nice in assisting me in fact he was a great company. However he took advantage of the event in trying to court me, I was trying to play deadma about it, parang my focus was only about healing faster (injury). After the countless visits to the doctor and hospital a friendship was born between him and I. We usually have coffee in the afternoon after work, and some occasional trip to the mall and just having a chillax-mode. Weird was I never tried inviting him for a movie siguro kasi I don’t want to give an impression that I like him, for me kasi friendship lang maiibigay ko…
It was a shock to me last Feb. 14th he went to the condominium I was renting he brought 2 dozen of flowers and a puppy stuff toy. Kakalipat ko lng nung araw na yun that’s why I was dead sleeping the whole time while he was at my gate calling my mobile phone and waiting for me. Nalaman ko na lng to the next day when I saw 24 missed calls on my phone and 12 sms. Ofcourse nakaka tuwa yun ginawa nya, who wouldn’t right? but on the other hand nakakatakot din…I wasn’t expecting anything like that from him.
He bought me cell phone he wanted that both of us to have same phone, I keep on asking him what’s the purpose since my phone is still working fine (the truth is having two big phone together is too much!) But he insists so I kept it, ginawa ko syang SUN cell on for him. Natuwa sya he felt na we were exclusive, until he was being demanding asking for more time and my where abouts and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I returned all of the gifts and end it…..nakaka pagod.
…I realized I was enjoying his friendship but I wasn’t ready to commit and be all to him. Akala ko ok na lahat since he is all there for me at all times, at one point nasabi ko na magandang ka relasyon ito coz he is there for me but at the end it’s just not enough. I fear na I’m just forcing myself to like him kasi nga he is good to me but it wouldn’t be fair for a good guy like him….im not the guy of his dreams.

Monday, August 16, 2010

talented Mr. Stars


when I first met him I was still recovering from pain, I got my self into fight and hit somewhere got totally injured. Anyway we go in to same gym classes but we dont say a word to each other. Until one day we were sharing one mirror iniside locker room and the conversation started there.
He took the opportunity to ask me what happen with the thing i have (injury).


It was a surprised to me that he suggested to join me with my friends for a dinner, nasabi ko kasi that kakain kame (during the conversation) I dont know how to say no, infact I was a bit skeptical coz I dont kow how to tell my friends that i am bringing a new guy. But all I did i said "SURE!" with out even asking my friends.

That was my first time talking to him and infact he was seated next to me during dinner. My friends eyes was like talking and wondering whats with the new guy, pero mababait naman lahat kaibigan ko so they just went with the flow and pretended that everything was smooth. ofcourse I am not stupid where that leading but I tried not to entertain the idea.
After the dinner (and long discussions) we all went home, since it was early pa for me to turn in...I got intrigue with Mr. Star and look for his number turns out we have some common friends. Luckily nakuha ko number nya from a very good friend of mine (which he dated before) kaso pinag sabihan ako ng friend ko na mabigat daw kasama itong si Mr. Star.

I enjoyed our movie time together, the long walks and talk seems na matino naman sya and touchy. Walang kaso sa akin yun...we dated for almost three months. True enough mabigat nga sya tuwing kasama. He easily get irrate and most of the time he demands attention. Ok lng sana kaso they way he ask for it, I dont think I can be sincere for my affection. Ginagawa ko lng para matahimik sya or to end the issue. The times that I am with him I was still recovering from a bad break up and situation like that can be so dreadful for me to take.
I called it quits on our way to the movie haus, that night was memorable to me that was the night I lost my iPhone.