GOGO BOY?

I got an email invitation for GoGo boy audition for the launching of BED BAR (Opens at Dec 17th) I don’t think I have the courage to dance just wearing Speedos alone. Thanks for the invites but I’ll pass.

office romance

It’s true when they say don’t shit on your own back yard; Mahirap kasi pag may problema kayo sa isat-isat malamang maapektuhan ang trabaho. For sure at first it’s all icing on the cake but sooner or later when things get rough the last thing you know desk are flying over. I had my share.
Now, I am dating somebody from work, the good thing is he’s not from my department but were on same floor and to top it all we have lots of common friends at work. Yes I have some reservation about it, the “what if’s“is getting into me… He seem to be a good guy, malambing and close to his folks (which is a good sign for me) however when he ask me about being exclusive I step back and think, it’s too early for that besides (to me) exclusive dating is same as officially together. There are rules to set in and rules need to be followed. Not that I don’t want to but it’s just too early for that.
I will take my time, I’m in no rush.

back dating...putting self out there!

friend of mine once told me in order to find that guy, you need to put your self out there...mejo hesitant pa ako makipag-meet guys sa bar, i have some reservations about that but i'll soon figure it out, if I cant change things maybe I have to change my strategy diba? So there I had a good date last night we went on movie and coffee. It was abit relaxing eventhough I have less sleep thank god for the double shot caramel machiato. He was ok naman, he's two years older than me independent di mayabang, may sense kausap...but the catch here is we work in same company but ofcourse on a different department, tagal na kame magkakilala but we dont talk to each other we just have same circle of friends and officemates, we found it funny nga eh after all this time were on a date!

Nothing serious here yet...I just want to date, its to soon for that.

B-ye...

Pagkatapos nung araw na yun, it didnt hurt that much compared from my previous relationship...wasn't expecting it though, but looking on the brighter side at least we havent invested that much yet, it broke my heart ofcourse but never the less its going to be fine...I'm not going to be that bitter guy and say bad stuff, I've been there tama na yun...ang panget ng ganon, infact I find that immature. I learned my lesson well...I'd say break ups sometimes makes us emotionally developed.

I will keep that email you sent and will serve as a reality check. For whatever it is, thank you for making me strong, and made me realize that break up is inevitable and sometimes things will happen with out any warning. Take care.

Bye.

I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE

thank you for comming into my life and made feel that I can love again. Thank for choosing me to love you. I'll try my best to be a better man for you.

102310

itong petsa na ito magbibigay ng ibang kahulugan sa aking buhay...something unexpected and surprising nangyari sa araw na to'. Mr Independent and I are now officially together.

Kinakabahan ako....may halong takot at saya but for now I will enjoy this journey and will face the twist and turns on this new relationship. This is my second relationship. Im hopping that i will be stronger (and brave enough) to handle this relationship.

it took me for awhile to say this...I love you babe.

red light!!!!

Mr. Independent and I have been dating for quite sometimes now, well things are kinda not that clear yet we haven’t labeled anything so far. The fact that we just met last Sept 11 I think we’re just taking our time to get to know more each other. Funny was we had little argument na so I’d say there’s intimacy going on. To be honest I am bit scared to accept the fact that I am falling for him. Yeah before there’s this I thought I might be just his arm candy but I saw his sincerity when he gave me a surprise visit at work he went all the way here from his place to explain his feelings, that he wanted this to work out. I’m glad to hear that, and I feel the same way too!
Minsan I can’t help myself but mairita when I don’t hear from him, I know he has work (and so am I) …damn! Errrr….I am thinking too much!? I have to control this feeling I’m scared to get hurt again…but I like him dearly.

Mr. Big

“Who was your unforgettable date?”
I was asked by my friend this question and suddenly I realized it wasn’t my boyfriend of 7 yrs was the memorable one but it was the man that I met when my ex was having a relationship with other guy. Let’s call him Mr. Big (in fact that’s what I call him and I am not referring to his ‘size’ but as Mr. Big from Sex and the City and he calls me kiddo!) we met few years back at the gym, funny was I was at the treadmill and suddenly he approached me and introduced himself and I was just astonished…he says that he reads my blog (previous blog) and from little talk we exchanged digits.
Two weeks after he asked me out, and he brought me to Galileo Enoteca in Mandaluyong and that was the best date I ever had....baket? One, the restaurant was very intimate and let me just say it was very romantic we were surrounded by all kinds of wine from all over the world and not to mention how expensive they were. Two, I was on a very strict diet that time and the first thing I had was white wine, ang sarap nya talaga I have tasted a lot of wine but that wine was simply the best of all! It was weird I got tipsy fast that time well siguro naman kasi dahil din sa ilan beses ako uminom nung wine na iyon, so I excused myself and went out to get some fresh air, I think na overwhelm din ako sa nangyayari but the moment I stepped out of the door I just threw up THREE TIMES! It was so embarrassing that he ended up looking for me and caught me puking! Kahiya talaga, but he were so nice (very caring in fact) he helped me and gave me water. Made sure that I was feeling ok. Hinatid nya ako pauwi but even though I threw up that night that didn’t stoped him from kissing me three times in the car.
Till today when I think of that moment it always remind me of how fun and great is to be with him and how good man and lovable he is. I’m glad that we still remain friends nagkikita na lng kame pag may occasion and I never fail to give him my warm and kind hug and also a kiss on his cheeks. He will always have a good spot in my heart. He is happy now and I am very happy for him.

he texted....

Mr. Independent sent me a sms today:

I really want this to work

Me:

Me too...

Mr Independent:

Babe, tulog na tayo, Come here...Hug tight.

blogging again...feels good.

I have been blogging for almost 4 years but unfortunately I NEEDED to delete that blog .Naisip ko na maganda siguro na magkaroon na tahimik na buhay. Ngunit habang tumatagal di ko mapigilan magbasa ng blog ng mga friends ko and I realized I missed it so much. It took me a very long time to create (and keep) this new blog actually naka tatlong beses ako gumawa ng blog and everytime I have it the next day Im deleteing it. Siguro kasi I wasn't that ready to post stuff about my life...but here I am nagsusulat ulit...masarap, masaya. I tried to twicth some stuff kahit papano I have to keep it a little private and a bit anonymous.
I am hoping that things will be ok again di ko na siguro maiibalik yun dati pero Im glad that I am back, sabi nila kasi nakakatulong makalimot ang pagsusulat and I think thats true.

ps: thanks to some of my blog readers who send me messages through FB asking me to go back blogging. So here it is...(kaso di ko alam if I have to tell you guys the link so I'll let the fate do the work) :)

Mr. Independent...is back again.

He arrived from his vacation abroad (it’s all over his FB shout out) we haven’t been exchanging sms for quite some time it was a surprised to hear from him and asking me to join for a Saturday night out with a common friend. I was trying not to reply back pretending I didn’t received anything…kaso ewan ko nga ba…I replied, I was telling myself not to!!! (stupid)
Though we had a little exchange of messages that day mga tanong na dapat sagutin, but he made it a point that I should be there. Feeling ko maybe he wanted to see me, siguro na miss nya ako, or maybe he run out of ‘toys’…for whatever it is pumayag ako, since I’m going to be with my friends naman. I figured if things will go wrong I can excuse my self-easily.
On the day of meet up, he was a bit lost so I had to go out of my way and meet him…and to be honest I was melting inside when I saw him. I keep on telling myself not to be too sweet to him, I need to be act just like one of his friends-civil lang. It was really cute when he asked me to turn around (we’re inside his car) when he wanted to change his shorts into jeans. We both laugh at it “ I saw you worst that that---we we’re naked together” I replied. But I still I turned around and let him change.
He was supposed to cancel the meet up he felt that he might get lost but he was saying such “ok lng I can die in boredom in my room” So now it’s my job na pilitin syang luamabas, YES. I still have something for him and I wanted to see him that night…I was preparing myself to see him again.
My friends were very nice to him in fact I think he was enjoying the attention. I couldn’t stop but grabbed his hands and hold em’ tight..it felt good. I may not be able to kiss him that night but that’s just ok having him next to me and able to hold his hand, made the night complete.
That night on our way home we sort things out and we’ll give another chance to what have been ended so fast. Honestly I’m getting scared the “if’s” and “buts” are playing inside my head-again. He is being sweet and all after last night….di kaya bored lang sya? I couldn’t help but wonder why do we need to pushed our self to these dramas that fact that we already had these before?

Mr. Taken

I have been friends with him and his partner and they’re nice. Apparently I have been hanging out with my friend especially on my free time, and sometimes he would drop by my work and bring me food. I didn’t give any malice to it, I thought he was just being sweet and of course the fact that he knows the history of my broken relationship any act that is associated to that would just be a no no to me…
Until one time we spent a long drive together going south it’s a favor I asked to surprise Mr. Independent. It was already late then my friend asked if he could sleep over at my place, since I don’t see any bad motives from him I let him stayed over it was a bit awkward for me though but I let him since I asked favor naman for that long drive. Just to be fair (p.s. I just got a text message and he is here, brought me some snacks. I need to go down and pick it up… )
The hugging while sleeping was very new to me, “very new” because the person hugging me while sleeping is already committed. That’s not a good picture…I tried to move and pretend that nothing is going on. Then one time he visited me brought me food at work and chatted inside his car, and then there you go…the inevitable kiss he gave on my lips. I told him right away that he is already committed and I’m very sure his partner would favor on what his doing. It was an awkward scene but I have to tell him that because I know he is a good guy and won’t do anything bad for his relationship… but he just did. Allegedly.
So far everything is kinda normal now, but minsan di nya maiwasan mag biro…stuff like he wanted to kiss me and “more”…I tried to shrug it off and pretend it’s just a silly joke. Now it lead to me thinking, ganito ba ang nangyayari pag matagal na kayo sa relasyon? That it’s easy to do things coz you know at the end of the day you have someone to go home to and the capacity to extra yourself to somebody adds up spice to the relationship (or ego booster)? I would still like to hold on to the thought that we gay guys are still in believe of what true relationship is all about (mutual, permanent and exclusive), that we are not promiscuous bitch and that we gay guys can still think straight and keep our word.

mr. Independent the key to my heart?

They say that best things comes to those who waits…when you say ‘wait’ do you have to stay in one corner and wait for the fruit to fall and eat it? Or run and reach for the ladder and pick that apple up on the tree?...
I have been always vocal to my good friends that I am not ready yet for another commitment, or perhaps I keep on forcing myself not to entertain when somebody wanted to get in my cautious heart probably I am just taking my time to heal. And I believed I needed that most.
But today something is different…something is weird going on in my head. I tried to stop it. Sabi nga nila the more you stop the more it’ll get worst. And there…GUSTO KO SIYA! I can’t stop think about him! CRAZY! Para akong high school!!!
I made a call today and would really want to hear his voice, and napapa-talon puso ko sa tuwa pag kausap ko sya! He is like a drug that heals my emotion inside! And I THINK THAT’S GOOD!!! And was more than happy when he said that he misses me so much! ITO NA NGA BA EH!!! Ayun bumigay na ako…my knees was already soft, had sweaty palms in a very cold room!
Please, dear Almighty if he is the one please let him stay and would like to work things out with him otherwise, let him go early before I will start turning the key into the door.

Mr.Independent 2

after my long day from derma, gym then drinking with friends was forcing myself not to bother him maybe I might be just overwhelm with the feelings...but I just cant handle it, I gave in. I sent him sms and wondering what was he doing, aparently he was just waiting for my text...dang! see thats what we get if we wait turns! we waste time!...
I asked him if its ok to meet up even though is was already past 1am..gladly he did say yes. SIGH. Iba tong nararamdaman ko....iba. Im kinda scared, feeling ko ang bilis ng nararamdaman ko...ayaw ko magkamali...o umasa.
I had the best time awhile ago... and the kiss was just perfect.

...and missing it badly now. :(

Mr Independent

I just finished taking my shower from a dinner and coffee date. This was a set up by a friend of mine who I havent seen for years now (thank you by the way). It came as a surprised that my friend thought of me when his friend was looking for a date or a so 'soul mate', for awhile when I read soul mate that would take sometime to know diba? but I just shrug it off and thought 'what the heck!', it's just a date anyway. Upon checking his profile at FB I was surprised, I found him attractive and has great smile he can pass as a celeb. Infact during our date we were interrupted by a stranger (tran) gave a pick up line as said this "youre so handsome you can fuck me later!" whoa. That's a great compliment dont you think?! lmao. Anyway he is a very smart guy, clean, nice set of teeth, talks well. He, I would say the guy of your dreams. Yes there were butterflies in my stomach...I couldnt even finish my meal. (and thats so new to me, matakaw ako..as in.)

We somehow have things in common but it was amazing when he mentioned that we have same month sign and we started laughing on some and same attributes...he is cute and funny! I am a bit scared to say this, but i like him....is he the one? I know its early to say that but for now thats what i feel eh...

I hate this...im about to sleep and his face is playing inside my head. This is scary.

ps. Im cheking my phone for his texts and we just bid goodnite....kinikilig ako nyeta!

Smirk guy

Is it ok to kiss him on the first date?
That’s what I have been thinking after we had our desert at red mango right after the dinner then movie at greenbelt 3. I would say he is definitely a catch, I mean hey I wouldn’t be asking him out if he wasn’t, right? I saw him through my fb account and turns out we have 30 friends in common I even wonder why or how we are connected (turns out he was a reader of my previous blog and requested to be added, well that’s what he said hehehe) I took the liberty in asking my friend about the guy and if it’s ok to get his number.
That night we started texting and trying get some basic information’s about job and likes and dislikes. Then he just popped out the question “Are you single?” He wanted to ask me out for date. Pumayag naman ako. Yun naman tlaga ang mission ko, in fact I told him that I was about to ask him out I was just looking for the good timing.
My friend, semi-jokingly and seriously told me that I can ask the cute guy for a date but I have to make sure that no movie, no sex but just getting to know drama. I got curious turns out the cute guy is just 23 years old…and holly molly I was a bit skeptical to pursue it but I tried and see what is install for me with the cutie.
I arrived on time and was just waiting for him for 5 minutes or so, just perfect time for me to chillax, kinakabahan ako ng konti I don’t know why siguro kasi I found the guy cute...upon receiving his text and already looking for me, I immediately look at the entrance and it seems everything was in slomo parang pelikula he was cute, nice smile and nice skin (turn on!) I waved and acted like were cool and good buddies.
I enjoyed my Friday night date with him, matino kausap and it really shows the kid is smart and intelligent (Turn on again!) And to be honest I get turned on when he accidentally touch my hand while describing something hehehe he got soft small hand… We somehow have things in common from family to stories of love and life until we end up discussing of what we do for fun; I’m just a regular gay guy, who likes going to gym, work, then home and preferably hanging out at friends place for drinks. I decline invitations at clubs in Malate, no offense I have been there but never enjoyed it. Then he started telling me his it was all good until he reached the discussion of drugs. Not that he is an addict but he had tried everything and most of them are ‘e’ I tried not judge him the only vice I did in my life was smoking cigar and quitted many years ago (kaso minsan pag stress at mainit ang ulo napapa yosi ako ng minsan) at the back of my head I have some doubts, a bit scared…but it’s not fair to judge him just because of that right? So I just tried to shrug it off and took it just like a pinch of salt…sabi nga nila when you’re young mapusok ka sa mga bakay wanted to try new things…I’m just happy that these never crossed my mind.
It was 30 minutes past 1am and I decided to call it a night, I asked him if he wanted to go out next week end…and so were up again. Until then I’ll see if things will be different.
Ps: I didn’t do any moves to kiss him. I will hold on to until the 3rd date.

Microsoft guy

I always get conscious if a younger guy would like to go out with me, I’m not that old yet- fyi. If any consolation I get impression that I still look like 27 it’s either that’s bola or true whatever it is I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyhow I draw the line at 27 if any young guys wanted to date with me. A 25 years old cute guy was persistent in asking me out, it took two months for me to say yes, I’d say it’s my reservation what stopping me from saying yes to date.
The get-to-knowing-date at Startbucks was ok, I’d say it’s one of those dates you had before you get excited and wonder what else to ask and what will he be asking. It was a two hours of coffee date. Di ako gaano na pressure since I still have to go work. However I found the guy attractive and reserved good catch actually. The thoughts are once again flying in my head such as where this will be going and will he be a candidate or just an additional number to my phonebook. After that night I always receive texts from him and it’s kinda sweet but I’m not really moved at all.
One thing I noticed about him he is kinda straight acting not yet out to the family and he doesn’t have much of gay friends or none at all- I think. Alam ko wala naman mali doon, kaso gusto ko sana may mapag tanungan kung ano sya bilang kaibigan etc. usually when adding sa FB meron at meron kayong common friends not with this guy. Mysterious….
I tried to shrug it off, inisip ko baka makikilala ko din sya on my own. He seem nice and sweet, however he has this attude of being clingy, annoying? Yes. I think it’s too early for any emo and any sorts of requirements. Di pa ako handa.
We just dated for two weeks and we just ended as friends.

Mr. Magazine

we've met way back '04 online we never had the chance to meet up. but occasionaly emails and just 'kumusta bro' and thats it. Until after many years we met at the gym and it all started there. He is 8 years older than me, and I dont think I have a problem with that. We started saying hi and hello's at the gym and that just it, we eventually became friends then one time I went up to him for shoulder to cry on. He was so nice and sincere and I really appreciate his gesture. Mabait syang tao at damang dama ko ang tunay na kaibigan sa kanya...

Naging malalim ang aming bonding, naging magaan ang friendship namin. I finally had friend! Di kasi ako madali magtiwala and make a new found friend a trusted friend...sabi nga nila a true friend is indeed hard to find. I thank the Almighty for bringing him to my life.

He was the person that I run to when I found out that my boyfriend of 12 years was cheating on me. He was there to listen and really support my decision and like any other friends would really just be there and make sure that I am ok. After I broke up with my ex, Mr. magazine and I kept our friendship and was really just smooth. Until after many months right before my birthday, he open up his feeling for me. I would be stupid to say na di ko inaasahan yun, alam ko na darating yung pag kakataon na yun, but when I heard that I really dont feel ready for it. But I was so week and longing that time that I went with the flow although not right away but i kinda give a hint to it.

Di ko naman tinignan yun na mali kasi at that moment wala akong nakikita di tama, at alam ko wala naman akong inaapakan na tao...single at malaya ako. Then we started dating, we go out like couples na although nothing is official yet, I always remind him na to take things slowly and he is good with that naman (ang bait nya talaga). I always admire him for his works and how great he is on his all works. Napagaling at talino nya.

I never felt special in my past relationship, sa twelve years namin pagsasama ni minsan wala ako naranasan na I was special (...infact I'm trying to think of things now, wala ako maalala.) I see dozen of flowers on my office at nakakatuwa. Although di talaga ako sanay with recieving of flowers but I'm just enjoying the moment, since di ko naman narasana ito dati. Everyday was special to me. Feeling ko lagi ako lumulutang sa panginip...I'm not kidding thats how i trully feel.

Then things got cloudy when we had our first love making...I realized I was still not ready, kasi napapansin ko I dont get that real hard on, infact I was forcing my mind to let go and do it...but sadly it was just hard for me... thoughts running in my head like could it be that Im not sexually attracted to him?...then eventually he started noticing it during the foreplay, I tried to snob the issue and told him I was tired. But sabi nga nila action speaks louder than words. Dalawang beses ito nangyari at di ko alam kung bakit ganun. If I recall it right, the sex that I had with Mr. Stars was great, hot infact...I think there's something wrong with my attraction to him sexually....is that fair, to have a good relationship with a good guy but not good in bed?

Things got shallow afterwards when he demanded that I wont use condom, and i really cant and wont do that. He claims na doon daw nagsisimula ang cheating when one uses condom, this is daw a way na pwede makipag sex sa iba. I was not expecting that from a good professional and mature guy at all...I told him that its protection for both of us not becuase its a way to cheat...i got off the bed took a shower then left.

It would have been a nice relationship but it seems that both of us are still swimming on our own personal issues...

Mr. Banker

We’ve been friends since ’04 but we never had the chance to set up a good cute meet, maybe it’s because I didn’t have the time to set it up since I was still with my ex back then. Every time I lost phone or changed number Mr. Banker would always try to message my Friendster account (di pa uso ang Facebook noon). Until after 6 years we were able to set up a date and meet up. It was good date, long chat and long walks around the circle of Ortigas we somehow have in thing common we love to walk.
The midnight meets ups at Mcdonalds Ortigas center has been our routine, occasionally we watch movie at Promenade, the friendship we had was so fun until he started to express his feelings towards me and wanted to make a relationship with me. I was skeptical at first knowing that I was dealing with my break up with my ex however I went with the flow I told him that I was not ready but we can be exclusive dating he agreed.
He was the first guy who slept over in my new condo; in fact he was helping me moving in transferring my stuff, so I decided to ask him if he wanted to stay for the night. We had sex I think so…kasi it was just a blow job and that’s it. There was kissing but he wasn’t that a good kisser it’s like I am kissing a toddler. I was faking my ooohs and aaahhs I just want to get over it. At that time I have a feeling that the relationship would have an issue. Sex to me would be one of the major factors of a good relationship.
Things were ok until he started demanding and questioning if I go out with my friends. I rarely go out and ever since I was with my ex I never had the chance to spend time with my friends so I realized na ito ang tamang oras pag bigyan ko mga kaibigan ko to spend time with them drinking. I don’t go out with them if they wanted to go to where all PLUs are hanging out, it’s not that I don’t go to these places but I prefer not to anymore siguro kasi I don’t really enjoy that much mas gugustuhin ko pa chatting with friends over beer than screaming your friends name dahil sa di kayo nag kakarinigan… So anyway he started questioning me some stuff and wondering if I am really out with my friends.
Honestly nakakainis yung ganon, the fact that I came from a very bad break up and the reason was because of dishonesty, it was too much for me to bear with his texts and calling, it’s was so heavy in fact. Trust can’t be earned by that ways…I found myself not replying to any of his texts or calls. I just don’t know how to end it. But I have to .

Mr. Shell

I met up with this guy when I needed someone to assist me during my operation, fix some important papers and settle some accounts in the hospital. He was so nice in assisting me in fact he was a great company. However he took advantage of the event in trying to court me, I was trying to play deadma about it, parang my focus was only about healing faster (injury). After the countless visits to the doctor and hospital a friendship was born between him and I. We usually have coffee in the afternoon after work, and some occasional trip to the mall and just having a chillax-mode. Weird was I never tried inviting him for a movie siguro kasi I don’t want to give an impression that I like him, for me kasi friendship lang maiibigay ko…
It was a shock to me last Feb. 14th he went to the condominium I was renting he brought 2 dozen of flowers and a puppy stuff toy. Kakalipat ko lng nung araw na yun that’s why I was dead sleeping the whole time while he was at my gate calling my mobile phone and waiting for me. Nalaman ko na lng to the next day when I saw 24 missed calls on my phone and 12 sms. Ofcourse nakaka tuwa yun ginawa nya, who wouldn’t right? but on the other hand nakakatakot din…I wasn’t expecting anything like that from him.
He bought me cell phone he wanted that both of us to have same phone, I keep on asking him what’s the purpose since my phone is still working fine (the truth is having two big phone together is too much!) But he insists so I kept it, ginawa ko syang SUN cell on for him. Natuwa sya he felt na we were exclusive, until he was being demanding asking for more time and my where abouts and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I returned all of the gifts and end it…..nakaka pagod.
…I realized I was enjoying his friendship but I wasn’t ready to commit and be all to him. Akala ko ok na lahat since he is all there for me at all times, at one point nasabi ko na magandang ka relasyon ito coz he is there for me but at the end it’s just not enough. I fear na I’m just forcing myself to like him kasi nga he is good to me but it wouldn’t be fair for a good guy like him….im not the guy of his dreams.