Im not a TOY.

ARM CANDY
An attractive, seemingly romantic companion who accompanies a person in public simply so that one or both of the individuals can gain attention, enhance social status, or create an impression of sexual appeal

I understand this now, fully! , why? Because that’s how I feel when I’m with you. You bring me to your friend’s party and introduce me to them with your policy that I can’t hold your hands or give them the idea that you and I are going out…or at least give them the idea that I’m sleeping with you. I never thought that you can be like this. Maybe it’s because you can take it away with your looks. My intention for you was real, and I have been true and honest with that, but I’m not a toy. I went through a very bad relationship and I was able to pick up the pieces and moved on, with this I’m sure I’m going to find ways. The world is HUGE.

Ps. if there’s something I learned from this is, people like YOU exist not just in movies and that I am still capable of loving after what I went through.

mr. Independent the key to my heart?

They say that best things comes to those who waits…when you say ‘wait’ do you have to stay in one corner and wait for the fruit to fall and eat it? Or run and reach for the ladder and pick that apple up on the tree?...
I have been always vocal to my good friends that I am not ready yet for another commitment, or perhaps I keep on forcing myself not to entertain when somebody wanted to get in my cautious heart probably I am just taking my time to heal. And I believed I needed that most.
But today something is different…something is weird going on in my head. I tried to stop it. Sabi nga nila the more you stop the more it’ll get worst. And there…GUSTO KO SIYA! I can’t stop think about him! CRAZY! Para akong high school!!!
I made a call today and would really want to hear his voice, and napapa-talon puso ko sa tuwa pag kausap ko sya! He is like a drug that heals my emotion inside! And I THINK THAT’S GOOD!!! And was more than happy when he said that he misses me so much! ITO NA NGA BA EH!!! Ayun bumigay na ako…my knees was already soft, had sweaty palms in a very cold room!
Please, dear Almighty if he is the one please let him stay and would like to work things out with him otherwise, let him go early before I will start turning the key into the door.

Mr.Independent 2

after my long day from derma, gym then drinking with friends was forcing myself not to bother him maybe I might be just overwhelm with the feelings...but I just cant handle it, I gave in. I sent him sms and wondering what was he doing, aparently he was just waiting for my text...dang! see thats what we get if we wait turns! we waste time!...
I asked him if its ok to meet up even though is was already past 1am..gladly he did say yes. SIGH. Iba tong nararamdaman ko....iba. Im kinda scared, feeling ko ang bilis ng nararamdaman ko...ayaw ko magkamali...o umasa.
I had the best time awhile ago... and the kiss was just perfect.

...and missing it badly now. :(

Mr Independent

I just finished taking my shower from a dinner and coffee date. This was a set up by a friend of mine who I havent seen for years now (thank you by the way). It came as a surprised that my friend thought of me when his friend was looking for a date or a so 'soul mate', for awhile when I read soul mate that would take sometime to know diba? but I just shrug it off and thought 'what the heck!', it's just a date anyway. Upon checking his profile at FB I was surprised, I found him attractive and has great smile he can pass as a celeb. Infact during our date we were interrupted by a stranger (tran) gave a pick up line as said this "youre so handsome you can fuck me later!" whoa. That's a great compliment dont you think?! lmao. Anyway he is a very smart guy, clean, nice set of teeth, talks well. He, I would say the guy of your dreams. Yes there were butterflies in my stomach...I couldnt even finish my meal. (and thats so new to me, matakaw ako..as in.)

We somehow have things in common but it was amazing when he mentioned that we have same month sign and we started laughing on some and same attributes...he is cute and funny! I am a bit scared to say this, but i like him....is he the one? I know its early to say that but for now thats what i feel eh...

I hate this...im about to sleep and his face is playing inside my head. This is scary.

ps. Im cheking my phone for his texts and we just bid goodnite....kinikilig ako nyeta!

Taylor Swift - White Horse

Smirk guy

Is it ok to kiss him on the first date?
That’s what I have been thinking after we had our desert at red mango right after the dinner then movie at greenbelt 3. I would say he is definitely a catch, I mean hey I wouldn’t be asking him out if he wasn’t, right? I saw him through my fb account and turns out we have 30 friends in common I even wonder why or how we are connected (turns out he was a reader of my previous blog and requested to be added, well that’s what he said hehehe) I took the liberty in asking my friend about the guy and if it’s ok to get his number.
That night we started texting and trying get some basic information’s about job and likes and dislikes. Then he just popped out the question “Are you single?” He wanted to ask me out for date. Pumayag naman ako. Yun naman tlaga ang mission ko, in fact I told him that I was about to ask him out I was just looking for the good timing.
My friend, semi-jokingly and seriously told me that I can ask the cute guy for a date but I have to make sure that no movie, no sex but just getting to know drama. I got curious turns out the cute guy is just 23 years old…and holly molly I was a bit skeptical to pursue it but I tried and see what is install for me with the cutie.
I arrived on time and was just waiting for him for 5 minutes or so, just perfect time for me to chillax, kinakabahan ako ng konti I don’t know why siguro kasi I found the guy cute...upon receiving his text and already looking for me, I immediately look at the entrance and it seems everything was in slomo parang pelikula he was cute, nice smile and nice skin (turn on!) I waved and acted like were cool and good buddies.
I enjoyed my Friday night date with him, matino kausap and it really shows the kid is smart and intelligent (Turn on again!) And to be honest I get turned on when he accidentally touch my hand while describing something hehehe he got soft small hand… We somehow have things in common from family to stories of love and life until we end up discussing of what we do for fun; I’m just a regular gay guy, who likes going to gym, work, then home and preferably hanging out at friends place for drinks. I decline invitations at clubs in Malate, no offense I have been there but never enjoyed it. Then he started telling me his it was all good until he reached the discussion of drugs. Not that he is an addict but he had tried everything and most of them are ‘e’ I tried not judge him the only vice I did in my life was smoking cigar and quitted many years ago (kaso minsan pag stress at mainit ang ulo napapa yosi ako ng minsan) at the back of my head I have some doubts, a bit scared…but it’s not fair to judge him just because of that right? So I just tried to shrug it off and took it just like a pinch of salt…sabi nga nila when you’re young mapusok ka sa mga bakay wanted to try new things…I’m just happy that these never crossed my mind.
It was 30 minutes past 1am and I decided to call it a night, I asked him if he wanted to go out next week end…and so were up again. Until then I’ll see if things will be different.
Ps: I didn’t do any moves to kiss him. I will hold on to until the 3rd date.

Microsoft guy

I always get conscious if a younger guy would like to go out with me, I’m not that old yet- fyi. If any consolation I get impression that I still look like 27 it’s either that’s bola or true whatever it is I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyhow I draw the line at 27 if any young guys wanted to date with me. A 25 years old cute guy was persistent in asking me out, it took two months for me to say yes, I’d say it’s my reservation what stopping me from saying yes to date.
The get-to-knowing-date at Startbucks was ok, I’d say it’s one of those dates you had before you get excited and wonder what else to ask and what will he be asking. It was a two hours of coffee date. Di ako gaano na pressure since I still have to go work. However I found the guy attractive and reserved good catch actually. The thoughts are once again flying in my head such as where this will be going and will he be a candidate or just an additional number to my phonebook. After that night I always receive texts from him and it’s kinda sweet but I’m not really moved at all.
One thing I noticed about him he is kinda straight acting not yet out to the family and he doesn’t have much of gay friends or none at all- I think. Alam ko wala naman mali doon, kaso gusto ko sana may mapag tanungan kung ano sya bilang kaibigan etc. usually when adding sa FB meron at meron kayong common friends not with this guy. Mysterious….
I tried to shrug it off, inisip ko baka makikilala ko din sya on my own. He seem nice and sweet, however he has this attude of being clingy, annoying? Yes. I think it’s too early for any emo and any sorts of requirements. Di pa ako handa.
We just dated for two weeks and we just ended as friends.